If only I could....

..... turn back time....

(this is what I felt now, but I got no one to impress my feeling )

...This is truly from my Heart...

I would like to tell my mum that

how wonderful & greatest women she is...


....How much my love for her.

......How proud am I to have her as my mum.

........How much I love her cooking.

..........How much I miss to hug her.

....How much I miss her kisses.

...How much I love to make-up her.

........How much I miss her when Im at work.

.....How much I love to listen to her singing.

....How much I miss her voice when she recite Al-Qur'an.

.........How much I miss her calling my name.

.........How much I love her till now and forever............

Mum, I miss you so much. Yesterday was the most painful day for me to recall what had happened last year. I can't describe how painful it is. Every single last moment I had with you was the greatest minutes that I had in my entire life.

Now, all I can do is to pray for you. 1 year has passed, but I'm still struggling to move on without your tender, loving & care. The laughter that I show, The joy that I felt now, it's not the same that I used to feel when you were around. Deep inside my heart, no one knows how I felt. Sometime when I think of you, or look at your picture I didn't realised the teary droplet just rolling down my cheek. I just miss you so much...

Mum, Pls forgive me for all the sin that I have done since I were young till now. I hope I have given you the best moment in your life and I did make you proud for my previous achivement. You're the best mum I had, and no one can replace your sincere love for me. I love you, mum....

*sob*

Bismillah,
Ya Allah, Berikanlah keampunan, Keadilan, Ketenangan kepada Ibuda ku. Tempatkan lah roh nye di tempat orang yg beriman, orang yg engkau kasihi. Berikanlah belas kasihan mu kepada nye. Ya Allah Ya Tuhan ku, Engkau jauh kan nye daripada azab api neraka, jauhan kan nye daripada seksaan api kubur. Ya allah ya tuhan ku, berikanlah beliau keampunan mu. Engkau lah Maha Kuasa, Maha yg Adil, Maha yg Penyayang. Amin.

Shall never be apart again...

Gosh! I can't wait till this 24th August.... (tmr, the next day, the day after tmr...) Wah like so long to wait..... heehee~

Finally, it's OVER!!! Time flies really fast... Hubby will be soon ORD in 2month time and no more seperation AGAIN! yippee~!!! It wasn't easy to be seperated in this way. We have to overcome all the difficulties thru' out our journey together with alots of patient & sacrifice were tested all the way. Alhamdulilah, we make it all the ups & down moment together.
I'M SO GLAD TO BE HIS FUTURE WIFEY :) *aww* Seriously, I felt so lucky to have hidayat my sweetest hubby as mine future husband. He is a hardworking, loving, so romantic, respect, understanding... and most of all he is VERY PATIENT & HIGH TOLERENCE guy. (heehee~he can tolerent all my nonsense moody bad attitude) What can I ask for more? He got everything that I'm looking for....


Hubb, I miss you so badly.... :( Wanna to hug you tightly & never ever let you go again!!! Hmm, 4 days to go, I can't tahan any more... REALLY!! When was the last time we talk?.... (can you remember?) Well, it was LAST MONTH and we talk on the phone for 20min and there it goes again.... !Fxxkxx DaMx Reception! I pissed off & GIVE UP! I think I tried to all him back like 100 times... and guess what? Not even ONCE, i just couldn't get thru'. I can't even wish him "Happy Birday", or " Happy National Day", Tell me what day did I MISSED??.... Father day?... heheh~ That one must wait till next year lah... hahaha~


Hubb, this year will be very meaningful for us to celebrate as "tunang".... which is so romantic rite... We will get the same color hari raya dress, break-fast together @ geylang, shopping for kuih... Then, we can have family gethering for our fixing wedding date..... Alot of things to discuss for our wedding. I will learn cooking from Ibu, well I will try to learn your favourite dish ;) Maybe 3 type of dishes lah, once I mastered the 3 dish then I see what else to cook,hahah~ Wahhh.... I'm super excited about the whole hari raya preparation!!!

Hope hub will call me soon... Oklah, need to hang up the cloth now. Just now, I cooked for daddy... I think he loves it that's why he asked me to cook tmr too... heehee~ Very busy today, haiz...

Love you sayang. I pray for your safety back in my arm once again :) Looking forward to spend our day as fiance & fiancee together this year :) Takecare my love...

Sealed with Alotz of Love & Hope...

Sweetest dream I had....

Finally my dream come true....


I always wanted to dream of my late mum. Not that I never had any dream with her, but today was totally a blessing day for me... Usually I dream, I went to the market with her, saw her praying @ her bedroom, saw her washing the dishes... Like she was a distance away from me. But today was really the most unforgetable dream i had. The best sweetest dream I had since she gone... Guess what?!.....


I WAS HUGGING HER AROUND MY ARM SO TIGHTLY, AND KISSING HER ALL OVER HER FACE.... I KEEP ON SAYING "Rindu nye yah kat mak, yah rindu nk peluk mak" She was smiling and keep on hugging me & my 2nd brader. Both of us was like fighting to hug her. heehee~

Then, I told her " Yah janji yah akan solat, mak jangan risau" When I told her that she looked into my eyes and smile, she kiss my forehead and hugged me. She then, whispered in my heart "Terima kasih yah. Mak bersyukur, mak dapat apa yang yah baca kan. Jaga abah, jaga diri...Mak selalu ader kat sini, panggil jer mak nanti mak datang..." Her lips didn't move but I hear that she whispering to me. Soon as she finished saying to me, I was awaked.

When I open up my eyes, I smiled. I thank Allah swt for that beautiful dream I had. I keep saying alhamdulilah she received what I had pray for her peace, forgiveness and happiness. I felt so amazing when I had this beautiful dream. It's like REAL! I can feel that I really hugged her and kiss her cheek. Well, when I awake I wasn't hugging anything so it couldn't be the bolster...hehehe~ But I was facing her picture that I put at the side of mine bed... I can feel her present when I woke up just now.

Im so happy and never felt so much better.... Knowing she is there for me, her happiness is mine greatest gift I ever had. I love you mum... Mum, pls pray for our forgiveness, safety and happiness. Thank you for loving till now. No matter how far you are, you will still be in my heart. I promise you mum. I truly sincerely happy for you there....

This 21 August marking her 1st yr memorial.... We have already planned to do kenduri for her. Hope everything goes well as planned. Insya'allah, amin.


Sealed with alotz of Love, Joy & Peace...

Update: Leo's Birday Party

Finally got some pix from my poor sis... Ya, she got some consipation problem lah (really bad though...) but now she's getting better... Eat more banana okay :) heehee~


Anyway, dat's the beauty of MINE elegant cake tier.... Aww~ so gorgeous rite? Yummy creamy cuppy cake.... Look @ the Strawberry shortcake, so nice rite..... And of coz I love the "3" candle that one I brought it especially for my lil alya.... See how sweet your aunty yah, not only sweet pretty also okay :)) hahaha~~

Simply Love it .... Love it... Love it..... (gosh! Diz cakes make me hungry!)

So many things to eat..... We got elcair puff, simply delicious! Special order home made Mee goreng by kak lin mum's cook. Cocktail done by my wonderful aunties (cocktail is MIA, not in the pix now) Hot dogs, nuggets, & sotong ball, were the hot demand by the little gangsters... They ate most of them, I think... coz the next round I wanted to take it's all GONE!!!!.....

Aww... see that lil princess.... Finally her candle blowing training, pay-off!! She did her VERY VERY BEST to blow the candle of coz with a lil help from atok & the right side of the cake was abit kinda wet too.... You know what I mean..... heehee~

Look how serious alya face, jaga2 air liur maintain eh....Hahah~



Diz is moa! with the extra background gang... Syakira Tango and Rusydi the rock! heehee....

Sealed with Alotz of Love & Happiness.....

Opps! I did it again...

Oppss!!... I did it again..... hehehe

~Im not going to say it now....hahaha~ Well, it always happened in August and I just dunno why

*wondering*

Im just gettin' bored and it happen when I watch something* something*.....~ And I *THOT* hey why not give it a try?...it will be so much fun! Without second *THOT* I did it again... ~hmmm~ Shit! Im dead for SURE! Im sure hub will pissed off with my notty itchy thotz. Hmm~ Hope hubby will forgive me diz time round...

~heehhee~ Notty lil' me :'p

Sweet Lovey Message for Hubby:

Bebe wanna say sorry, sorry, sorry X 1000,000 times.... Bee promise bebe won't do it again.... (~Haizz... Damn! I should have done earlier!! haha~) Bebe promise diz will be the last time, untill we get married okay..... :')

As for punishment, I'm giving you alotz* alotz* of kisses to makeup for my #!$%# sin~

...~muakz~...~muakz~...~muakz~...~muakz~...~muakz~...~muakz~
...~muakz~...~muakz~...~muakz~...~muakz~...~muakz~...~muakz~

...~muakz~...~muakz~ ...~muakz~...~muakz~ ...~muakz~...~muakz~
...~muakz~...~muakz~...~muakz~...~muakz~...~muakz~...~muakz~
...~muakz~...~muakz~...~muakz~...~muakz~...~muakz~...~muakz~

...~muakz~...~muakz~ ...~muakz~...~muakz~ ...~muakz~...~muakz~

Smile plsss.....Like diz lil fella :))

P .. E .. A .. C .. E.. ! P .. E .. A .. C .. E.. ! P .. E .. A .. C .. E.. !

Sealed with Full of Sin......

Babies LEO celebrating....

Happy Birday to hubby!!!...

Happy Birday to alya lashira!!!....

Happy Birday to kak lin!!!!!.....

Happy Birday to abah!!!!......

HAPPY BIRDAY TO YOU ALL!!!

....yay!~....

Yess..... I LOVE the PINKY party!!! Everything was in pink and i simply love it, love it.. The pinky party plate, the pinky cups, the pinky balloon deco, even the tablecloth in pink.... Not to mention the cupcakes & birday cakes in pinky too.. heehee~ The party was really awesome, it will be great if hubby is around. Too bad this year, we can't celebrate together again~sob~ Just look @ those pretty cuppy cakes.... It just make you hungry isn't it.....

The theme of the day.......Missy strawberry shortcake!!! Guest are required to wear pink, purple or white dress :)

As usual, ct and sista break the rules!!! But lilttle alya wouldn't mind since she got that BIG BARNEY..... Thks for that ugly purple dino ya! Litte alya loves it so much.... She drag it everywhere, and bring it to bed too. Hmm, muz be the barney starts to sing to her "I love you, you love me...blablablahblah....~" Geeeee~Btw, I will load the pix as soon as I get it from my sis. And for meantime, this pix taken on Ct's camera...

Anyway, I just so happy that the cakes tier manage to stand till the party over... Isn't it amazing?! I did that the cuppy tier stand by myself, okay... Ya I know it look like some kind of wedding tray stand. But hey, I did it with my bare hand ok... It just pop out from nowhere and WELLA!! I design it an most importantly is IT'S WORK!! Taaa daaa~yay!!!

I'm so creative right...haha~ My sis & bro told me that the tier is not strong lah, will drop off lah., unbalance lah, ugly lah.... So much of demoralised by them, it just drive me crazy!!! I just don't get it what and why they have to say it... *haizzz* Don't dare me okaay... So I wanted to prove them WRONG! & It's PROVEN! :)) see that!!...

And Well, it took me a week to make it work and to deco it. But it definately pay-off well on that day. It was a eye-catching stuff you see.... Magic!...

Haiz... I wish hubby were in this beautiful pix. But hey, what can I say...I was praying hard for him to be back on time, but it just won't happen... Ya, I did cried on his birday. I tried so hard to call him but damn the reception I just couldn't reach him. I felt so sad till now I still didn't get to wish him. Really upset though~ Hope he can receive my SMS and call me as soon as he read it. Haizz....

Message for my love:

Hubby, please call me if you happen to be online okay.... I just miss you so much!! I tried to call you so many time but it just couldnt get thru' I'm so upset & dissappointed. I know you are the 1st person to wish me on my birday.... And I wanted to do the same too, but..... * Sobb* Really upset though~

I wish I could fly over just to wish you, my love... *sobb.. sobb...* Anyway, it was such a waste that you wasn't around for that party... Everyone was asking for you, especially my aunty, CT, and of coz all the LEO babies too.... Especially the yummy creamy cupcakes, don't worry I have taken your share :') heehee~

Alright my love, promise me you will takecare of yourself :) No matter what, no matter how far we apart, you'll be always be deep inside in my heart. I will never let you go, this I PROMISE you. And always remember me in your sweetest dream...

I love you sayang.....